I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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