he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
