So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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