Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
