The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
