We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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