i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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