I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
