And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
