i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
