I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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