Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
