wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
