I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
