You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
