Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
