She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He has the fingertips of a God
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
