bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
