After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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