is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
