I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
