my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
