Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
God, I missed his penis.
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