I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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