i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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