I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
