last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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