just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
