after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
