like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Still dying that you shit outside
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
