Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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