Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
