Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
