my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
