In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
