Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
