3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
