Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
