He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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