The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
