Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
