I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
