I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
