Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
