A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
