Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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