Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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