my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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