I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
