You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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