Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
