literally had 100 drinks last night.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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