I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
