On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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