Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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