it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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