I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
