That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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