fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
