well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need a beard to bite.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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