dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
