Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
