At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
