i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
