I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
