After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
