this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
